Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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