We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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