Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
