I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
So squirting runs in the family.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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