I just made out with a guy for $7.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
