Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
