just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
