I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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