Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
