why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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