I look better un-naked...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
