no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize