nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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