and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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