I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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