First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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