I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
