OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
