she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
