I showed him my bush... on skype.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
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We need to get me chipped asap
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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