she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
