My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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