Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
