if you like me you must not know who I am
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
