He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
