anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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