Screwed.edu
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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