Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish I only lived at night.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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