Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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