tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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