Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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