I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
