Having a random hookup so left but love u
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
