Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
