i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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