You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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