I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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