i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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