Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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