I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
