Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
