filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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