Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
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The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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