just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
