I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
