How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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