No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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