It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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