We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
