I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
