Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
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you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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