When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
