Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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