My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
