I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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