Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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