highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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