so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
